Monday, January 25, 2010

When Ministry Becomes Real

Last Wednesday I was given my first opportunity to accompany my pastor on his sick calls. I have to admit that I was more than nervous. It was a mixture of excitement and anxiety in that I wondered how I would react to meeting people who were in physical and spiritual need. I knew that this would help me to either strengthen my resolve about my vocation to the priesthood or illuminate my heart in a different direction.

Our mission that day was to visit two people who were in assisted living facilities, or nursing homes. My pastor told me to pay close attention to the two very different facilities where these people were living and the type of spiritual care they were looking for. Since I had never been to one I thought of the worse experiences I had heard from other relatives and cringed.

The first place we visited had a lovely woman in high spirits. Her husband was visiting and we were there to bring her communion as well as check in on her and keep her company for a short while. She was pleasant to be around and I wondered how she was really feeling and what her ailment was. She smiled at me and encouraged me on what I was doing. Later, someone at the church told me that she was happy to have met me and that I could stop by anytime.

The next visit was to a man I had met once or twice before at the church. He was funny, high-spirited, and more than anything, interesting. But from the first moment we parked the car in front of the nursing home I knew that this facility would not be as glamorous as the last. The first place had had a light about it. It had cheerful walking around and the residents were engaged in various activities. This place was sadder, with residents in wheelchairs stationed outside their rooms or in hallways grouped together like a herd.

When we walked into the room I saw our friend laying on his back half asleep. He told us a joke but struggled through saying the words. As he received communion he wept a little. You could tell that he was scared and a little lonely with almost no one to visit him. I spoke to the man sharing his room and found him to be someone who desperately needed mental stimulation and interaction with people. But that wasn't happening much either.

Overall, I found the experience to be a sorely needed dose of reality in a world where ministry and service are abstract ideas. If my goal as a priest was to serve these people, then these and even worse situations were the ones I would have to embrace. In my heart I found myself embracing them. I found myself moved over what these people were feeling and what they were suffering. I wanted not just to be there for them but also to let them know that their faith was something real that they could depend on in this time.

I have much to learn. I want to open my heart and learn.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A New Year, A New Mission

At the beginning of this year I reflected on the progress I had made as a person and more importantly as a Christian. Of course these two go hand in hand but it is vital to examine how being a Christian makes us a better person. This is to answer all those who witness Christians around the world claiming to be followers of Jesus but performing sinful and often unspeakable acts. And while it is undoubtedly not my place to judge I must vehemently suggest that those who act contrary to what Christ preached fall into two distinct categories: those who are in fact not Christian though they claim to be and those who are in fact Christian but have failed in their mission to follow Jesus Christ.

In examining my conscience, my actions and failures to act I must place myself in the second category. My desire is to follow Christ but I fall short again and again. I say this with both a contrite heart and a resolve to do better and be better. If I did not admit these failings in this context then I could never hope to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul, and love my neighbor as myself.

In looking ahead to the pursuit of my vocation I see that my mission to be a Christian and a better person are even more closely linked than I had ever thought before. As a priest I am a man of God who is dedicated to His service. But I am also a simple man who is trying to witness to others the good Christ has done in me.

The conclusion follows that we are never to allow any virtues we successfully practice, good deeds we perform, or graces that God bestows upon us to make us forget the depravity in which we once lived and could easily return to were it not for the grace and blessings of God.

As I said before, I am not offering a new resolution for the year. I am merely seeking to strengthen my resolve: to be a better man and a better Christian for I know I am not a strong example of either.