Finding My Voice Again

There are few moments as adults when we truly wish we were kids again. I don't mean the usual times like when we hate work or just reminisce about what Christmas morning used to feel like. Rather, I mean when we wish we could experience something as children because it is just plain easier. I am now two weeks into my recovery from having my tonsils removed. It is not something that I would recommend for the faint of heart. Keep in mind that I am a bit of a baby as my wife will surely attest to. But when I began this process with my doctors about inquiring into a way to end my endless throat infections I was optimistic about it being simple. My surgeon did warn me that it would not be a walk in the park and several older parishioners regaled me with tales of their experiences in the 1940's and 1950's with kitchen tables, ether, and cold steel. Needless to say that I was glad I lived in the 21st century.

I have always believed that no matter what the experience, a person can gain some valuable insight on their life and their faith. In this experience I learned to appreciate the relationships I have with my parents and my wife. I recognized the compassion and gentleness they had for me as I tried to regain my strength, dealt with enormous amounts of pain, and was frustrated.

But this experience has also made me think about those who have no one to care for them. I had my tonsils out. I didn't have open heart surgery or a bone marrow transplant. My biggest annoyance was not being able to french fries for a couple of weeks. I can't begin to fathom the loneliness or frustration felt by parents or children, patients and doctors over diseases and ailments that have no cure, that cause so much suffering and attempt to compromise our dignity. I think about how fortunate I am. I think about the two good hands and feet I have and the brain that works (most of the time). I think about the opportunity I have to help people. That's when I think about becoming a priest.

So now I am in the stage where I wait for my voice to return to what it was before the surgery. It won't be near what I am used to or what I need for my work for at least another two or three weeks. In that time, I'll take that opportunity to listen more and to talk less. I'll take that time to think about what I want to teach others in my preaching and to listen to some good preachers. I'll learn what it means to serve from those who have so graciously served me.

A Holy Week Experiment.

This passed Holy Week I spoke with my rector and mentor about conducting an experiment. I wanted the opportunity to shadow him and get the experience a priest undergoes in serving his congregation during the last and most important week of Lent. It would mean working with him from morning to night and spending more time away from home for work than I had in a long time. I talked about it with Roxanne and she agreed that for both of us I needed this experience.

Father Andrew laid it out for me plainly. I was to help him with the 10am and 7pm services. In the meantime I would accompany him or be in charge of the various hospital visits. That means I would have the opportunity to give communion, pray with, or in some cases pray over the sick. It was clear that this was going to be a challenge but one I was eager to embrace and live up to.

My overall experience was positive. I learned a few things about myself and about my desire to be a priest. I learned that as a persons I need to be less afraid of what I want and make a greater effort to expresss what I want. Those who love me won't leave me just because I to fulfill a need of my own or attend to a work obligation. i also learned that my desire to be a priest is stronger than ever. I love helping peoplef and bringing them the love of Christ when they feel alone or scared. I love it not because it is an ego boost but because I feel like I am gving to others what God has so generously given to me.

The next few months are going to see new challenges as I begin my Clinical Pastoral Education. I know that I don't know enough about helping the sick and dying. I need to learn more so I can be more.

I also learned that one of the greatest challenges to achieving my professional and spiritual goals will be staying true to my family obligations. I love my wife and children so much and I only want them to be happy and know that they are loved. Making sure that I am true to them is one of my biggest priorities.