An Occupational Vocational Hazard

Last week I began the arduous task of filling out the necessary paperwork to apply for scholarships to seminary. Forget for a moment the questions the scholarships asked me (that's a whole other blog post). One form specifically asked me to detail my future budget for the coming year. At my core I am a planner and in order to understand the world around me I need to look at all the data around me in order to be able to see where I am going and where I should go. Needless to say I have thought extensively about the dramatic change going to seminary in Tennessee will mean for myself and my family. It won't just be a change of scenery with the high probability of snow on top of a mountain. It will be a lifestyle change complete with different friends, different schedules, and a dramatic drop in income.

This last aspect came into focus when I began filling out said form. I realized that I would be gainfully unemployed and a full-time student once again. Keep in mind that my concern isn't about money. My wife and I have always lived with the belief that people who work hard and have faith in God will find a way to survive. The truth is that we have been abundantly blessed by a generous God who has given us a lifestyle that I can only begin to describe as comfortable. But filling out that form also crystallized another thought for me. In choosing this vocation I was placing my faith in God that not only would he support me and my family, but that I was telling the world that money is not the most important thing.

Too often I have seen young and old alike tell me that I could be making so much more money in my previous profession of international business. They tell me to imagine the possibilities of private jets, expensive dinners, and of course the car of my dreams. But while those things are nice, they have never appealed to me in such a way that I could not live without them. Going to seminary will be about embracing a simple life dedicated prayer, study, and time building the bonds within my family. It will be about living in solidarity with other men and women who have chosen to dedicate their lives to God in such a way that is countercultural to the norms of our society telling us to chase wealth at all cost.

In a few short months I will uproot my children from the only home they have ever known, the only one my wife and I have ever owned and leave Tampa Florida. Though it is only for three years it will be a grand adventure that will open my heart and eyes in ways that I cannot yet imagine.  My sincere prayer is that I will be willing to go where God's leads me, that I won't complain too much when he chides me, and that I will use this opportunity "to help souls".

Sharing In His Dream

This morning I celebrated chapel with the Upper School, i.e. the High School students. I've found that when I am able to deliver a lesson to them that it can be a mixed bag. I know that some of them are listening but I wonder how many are taking to heart what I said. The most difficult part of this job is to demonstrate emotion and sincere interest in what one is doing when the same is not always returned to you. I decided over the weekend that the only thing I could deliver a lesson on was the life, death, and dream of Martin Luther King Jr. I have to admit, as I do in the lesson, that I feel a disconnection with him because I was not alive during his lifetime. However, I feel the power of his dream today and I wanted these students to get a glimpse of that dream in what I said to them. Below is the text from my lesson.

When I began to think about Martin Luther King Jr. Day and what meaning it has for me I had to admit that I felt a genuine disconnection. I wasn’t alive when he worked, and I still wasn’t alive when he was killed. So I began to focus instead on the idea that people have gone before me, people I have never met, who have helped me. This goes beyond family, beyond friendship. It speaks to that common humanity we share, the capacity to love and to be loved, and the ability to care for others regardless of the harm it may bring to us.

That is the essential Christian message that King preached, that regardless of what we saw on the outside, what mattered was the image of a creator common to all of us. The beauty of our wonderful 21^st century is that we are noticing race and color less and less. Make no mistake, there is still racism and prejudice in our world, but we have also redoubled our efforts to fight against it. How do I know that we are making progress? Something interesting happened to me my first month here.

I was walking from the campus center back to the Upper School. All of a sudden I heard a voice yell “Fr. Joel!” I turned around because I was curious to see if Fr. Joel was behind me so I could say hello. All I saw was a student who waved at me. I asked her if she knew who I was. She said “sorry Chaplain Alex, from behind you look like Fr. Joel.”

Now I’m no police sketch artist but from the front or back I know I don’t look like a 5’10” 60 year old man descended from Sweden. Then it hit me. All she saw was the black clothing. She didn’t notice the color. It hadn’t occurred to her.

This has enormous meaning for me. Considering that 60 years ago I would never have been allowed to wear this cassock, or even hope to be ordained, her color-blindness touched me to the core.

You could venture to say that we are learning to see through new eyes. But just because racism has become one of the most identifiable adversaries of peace, it doesn’t mean it is the only one. Anytime we choose to judge someone based on their appearance or any other preconceived notion we rob them of their humanity and we blind ourselves a little more.

Now some of you may be asking what any of this has to do with me? The answer is simple. As the future leaders of this world you will be given the power to change the world, to rally us around the beauty of our differences and the humanity we have in common.

Martin Luther King Jr. died for a dream that we would be judged first and foremost by the content of our character. That is a tall order for all of us to live up to, but one that I am sure everyone here can participate in helping to come true. There is still work to be done. And if you have been waiting for an invitation to join that work. You have been given one today.

Ethically Speaking #2

Continuing the discussion from last week, I would like to share more of the responses from Global Ethics class. It is a class that I am co-teaching with another teacher. He focuses on presenting certain concepts through texts and lectures while I have the pleasure of challenging the students by presenting them with questions and scenarios that force them to apply a set of ethical standards or a decision-making process to a problem.

Working with these students has been nothing less than extraordinary for any number of reasons. The first reason has to be that rather than being told what is right and wrong, these students are being engaged and challenged to reveal what they feel is the proper course of action. It is a revelatory moment when all that we have taught them, all that they have learned and absorbed comes out in ways that we could not imagine. The second reasons is that it empowers these students, preparing them for the roles they will fulfill as adult members in our society. We as parents, educators, and others have placed enormous pressure on these students to perform and to live up to certain expectations. It is interesting to see how they interpret the values we have stated as most important when the moment comes to make a life-altering decision. Lastly, and one that concerns me on several levels is how these students, and through them gain a glimpse of the larger society, understand what it means to be moral. This is prefaced by stating the obvious: that my unique perspective comes finds its roots in the Gospel, in the Christian message concerning life and death, how we see ourselves and others created in the image of God.

While the first scenario challenged these students to make a moral decision that would effect individuals they had never met and formed a personal connection with, this new scenario does the exact opposite. It places two people are intimately close to the individual in seemingly direct conflict.

It is as follows:

If you are a woman, you are faced a difficult decision. You have just found that you have cancer. However, you are also three months pregnant. Your doctors have informed you that in order to survive you must begin radiation and chemotherapy immediately. However, doing so will terminate the pregnancy. If the pregnancy is allowed to continue to term the child will survive but you will not. Your husband has stated that this is your decision and that he will follow your wishes. A last factor to consider is that you have already given birth to one child who is 3 years old.

If you are man, you are being faced with the same scenario. The only change is that your spouse has given you the final decision as to whether or not she will undergo the life-saving treatment. She will follow your wishes.

In this limited hypothetical situation, no amount of science present or future will allow the child to be born now and survive. Also, no amount of treatment will allow the mother to survive to her passed her due date.

The question is clear: Does the mother undergo the treatment or not? What are some of the ethical questions present? What is your rationale for undergoing or forgoing the treatment? How does your definition of human life play into this?

It is easy to see why this question presents the reader with a plethora of concerns. It is a decision that would be deeply personal, painfully emotional, and require careful reflection. One is tempted to believe that there is no possibly correct answer. However, the purpose of the question in this exercise with these students is to convince them to reveal their beliefs and values, which as previously stated has been formed by many sources and influences. I also prefaced this scenario by saying that my wife and, like many young couples, have agonized over this decision and not come to a consensus demonstrating just how confusing it can be.

The student responses were fascinating. But as usual their thought processes are what revealed more. They began asking questions like: what's the mother's job? They also asked what the capacity was of the father to care for two children without another parent? But more than what they asked was what they contended. Some argued that because the mother had already lived a full life that it was not the baby's turn. Others disagreed and said that it was always possible to have another child later on. Still others became more direct, and more extreme by stating that there was not really an ethical decision because the baby was not technically alive or viable which fell into direct contrast with others who stated that innocent life with no voice was more valuable than a life who had a voice to defend itself.

This spurred a discussion on the value of human life which completely threw the class for a loop. I asked them, "what gives value to human life?". They responded with many of the standard answers our society provides.

"How educated you are. We've been taught that education is everything."

"Wealth. That way you can do more and be more."

"How much you can do for yourself and others."

I followed up by asking them if characteristics like race, creed, perceived beauty, language and other things made a difference. They answered by stating that it could potentially make a huge difference. Then I threw them a curveball. I asked them the question that each of us must face when we look in the mirror and we see others. "Does a human being possess a value, an inherent value, that is independent from the perceived value of others?".

A profound silence followed. They asked: "what other value could there be?"

And at that point my heart wept for them. It wept because we have taken great pains to build our children up by acknowledging and celebrating what they do. But we have not always acknowledged the value they have in our eyes and God's eyes simply for being. When I proposed that both the mother and the child had the same inherent value many of them balked at the idea.

"It hasn't done anything yet."

"It hasn't helped anyone, or learned to communicate, or even been born. How can it have the same value as an adult human?"

Therein lies the question. It is a question that many people around the world face in one form or another. It is where our self-interest and our perceived values of individuals meet. It is where the ethical dilemma becomes a dilemma.

At the end of the discussion I challenged the students to strip away everything about themselves and others that deals with what they do, both for themselves and others, and ask "what is left?". What I didn't tell them is that if what is left behind is nothing then we are left with a profound darkness. We are left with a deep chasm where our soul, our createdness in God used to be. As Christians we are called to view each other through the eyes of Christ. We are called to see now what men see but rather what God sees. What God creates he loves. What he loves he sustains. And what he sustains he reconciles to himself. The beginning of any argument about life and death must be at the point where God's creation meets our acknowledgement as co-creators with him. We do not create human life. Rather we are co-creators and stewards of it. After that realization come the integration of our personal experiences, our biases, our self-interests and most of all our brokenness.

I will not give the definitive answer for this scenario. I will not even give my decision. I will say that those agonize about it are certainly in tune with the tension that each of us faces when our consciences are in conflict. If we are preach the Gospel and to raise and educate children who will listen and act on it as well, we must begin by telling them that their value to us is great, but that their value to God is immeasurable.

Ethically Speaking #1

There are moments in life, I am sure, that we are absolutely floored by what we hear or witness. It can be an innocent comment or one that is made in a moment of unprecedented honesty. Either way, it is important to understand where what was said came from in the person who said it, and what in us reacts to that belief or thought.

I am currently working with another teacher in conducting a course in global ethics and literature. After my fiasco regarding the teaching of spirituality I have dramatically lowered my expectations about what these students have been taught about the realm of ethics and ethical thinking. Instead I set out to change my method. I would take the two days that I would be in the classroom not to lecture but to listen. I have found that the one thing students don't do enough of is sharing their opinion on something that is relevant to the world and to them. So rather than bore them with the theories of ethics (which I plan to do later), I would present them ethical dilemmas that test their decision-making processes and force them to choose what they would in a variety of situations.

The first one was a timely one. With the one year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti I decided to test the reactions these students would have to being called to help. I gave them the following scenario.

You are a student at a college or university and the earthquake in Haiti has occurred. You have an indispensable skill that would save lives if you went down there. However, you also have exams that you must take. All but one of your professors will excuse you, giving you an extension. The last one will not relent and announced that you will fail if you do not take the exam when it is given. The added twist is that if you fail the exam you will lose your scholarship, your only means of paying for your education.

I posed this question with some conditions. You cannot appeal to a higher authority and the professor will not relent. You needn't worry about transportation or room and board while in Haiti. I also asked them to present a rationale for their decision which weighed the risks and consequences of either decision.

I was not shocked when I learned that the majority of the students decided to stay and not go to be a part of the humanitarian effort. Our society has placed such an emphasis on the importance of education that our very lives seem to be tied to what degree we earn and the money associated with the career we choose. What shocked me were the rationalizations.

One student rationalized that they could do more good by staying in school and graduating so that they could help more people later. Other students volunteered to aid the effort in other ways such as fund-raising and campaigning. These students were able to recognize their ethical obligation and come up with a solution. What concerned me were the students who had a knee-jerk reaction to the entire exercise and just decided not to go. One student went so far as to say that his life, his future, was considerably more valuable than these people in Haiti.

The point of the exercise was not to come up with a single correct answer. Following one's conscience is not as easy as it may seem. The point of the exercise was to determine if the students were able to have a process that they could use to make these decisions. What saddened me most was not so much that the students chose to stay when lives were at stake, lives that have the same inherent value as yours and mine.

Ethical quandries and conflicts are all around us. As Christians we are called to rely not on our standards but upon the standards that have been set for us by Jesus Christ. The question of "what would Jesus do" may same cliche but it is still no less valid. We are called to a higher purpose and a higher standard than the world. It is interesting to see how we react when called to tough ethical decisions that challenge our safety, our priorities, and our comfort level. Will we respond by what the world tells us to do, what seems rational and intelligent? Or will we respond by what Christ would have done, which flies in the face of the world's wisdom and society's standards? Ultimately, whom we decide to listen to is whom we decide to serve.

"Choose this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"

Joshua 24:15

Through a Hole in the Wall

It is officially a new year. Last night we reveled and celebrated. We bid adieu to the both the good and bad of the last year and set our sights on what this coming year would have in store for us. I've found with myself and most of the people that I know that the coming of the new year is a great occasion to analyze and assess our successes and failures. We look back on what went right and where we went wrong. Think of every website and television station that does a year end review or discusses the celebrities who have died since the last new year's eve celebration. The sole purpose of all this reflection is to change.

We look to change our relationships, our diets, our attitudes. We look to changing how we eat, how we treat others or let others treat us, and how we see the world. I'm equally guilty of this as last night saw me putting together an ambitious to do list for the coming year. Then I awoke the next morning energized and began cleaning. In theory these habits of new beginnings are not bad. In fact, many consider them to be spiritual and downright Christian. We are called to turn away from what we have done wrong and begin a new life. So we conclude that we must strengthen ourselves in some way, increase our resolve...have a greater resolution!

But in the end all that strength is for naught. It is a lie because we are telling ourselves that we can do it of our own accord, or our own will. In reality, if we had been able to accomplish these ambitious goals of fundamentally changing who we are then we would have done it a long time ago. So what was missing? It's easy to just insert "God" and then move on. But what's more difficult is to discern how God plays a role in changing who we are.

To answer this question we must walk away from everything that this world tells us. We have to engage God on his terms and allow him to change us. In essence, rather than strengthen our resolve we must weaken it. We must weaken our resolve that tells us that we can do all things, know all things, and be all things. We must drop the walls that keep us from God and his ways. I venture to guess that when Saint Paul was discussing weakness and how that when he was weak he was actually strong that he might have meant something like this. His weakness, be it physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental, provided the hole through which God could be allowed to come in and be Paul's strength. I see so many people who are hurt by abusive relationships, deaths in their family, failures both professional and personal and they all ask the same question: "Where is God?" I want to tell them same answer: God is there with you if just let down your wall and let him in.

So while new year's resolutions are to my house ready for the big move, to be a better husband, father, and chaplain, it is more than anything to let the God who loves me love. Perhaps if I lower my wall just enough God can sneak in and surprise me in the ways that only he knows how.

A Prayer for A New Year

Heavenly Father,

As a new year dawns I find myself further from whom I want to be.

I find myself further from you. Help me to lower my walls and defenses

and surrender my heart to your Son, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,

Who reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen

Happy New Year!