It is officially a new year. Last night we reveled and celebrated. We bid adieu to the both the good and bad of the last year and set our sights on what this coming year would have in store for us. I've found with myself and most of the people that I know that the coming of the new year is a great occasion to analyze and assess our successes and failures. We look back on what went right and where we went wrong. Think of every website and television station that does a year end review or discusses the celebrities who have died since the last new year's eve celebration. The sole purpose of all this reflection is to change. We look to change our relationships, our diets, our attitudes. We look to changing how we eat, how we treat others or let others treat us, and how we see the world. I'm equally guilty of this as last night saw me putting together an ambitious to do list for the coming year. Then I awoke the next morning energized and began cleaning. In theory these habits of new beginnings are not bad. In fact, many consider them to be spiritual and downright Christian. We are called to turn away from what we have done wrong and begin a new life. So we conclude that we must strengthen ourselves in some way, increase our resolve...have a greater resolution!
But in the end all that strength is for naught. It is a lie because we are telling ourselves that we can do it of our own accord, or our own will. In reality, if we had been able to accomplish these ambitious goals of fundamentally changing who we are then we would have done it a long time ago. So what was missing? It's easy to just insert "God" and then move on. But what's more difficult is to discern how God plays a role in changing who we are.
To answer this question we must walk away from everything that this world tells us. We have to engage God on his terms and allow him to change us. In essence, rather than strengthen our resolve we must weaken it. We must weaken our resolve that tells us that we can do all things, know all things, and be all things. We must drop the walls that keep us from God and his ways. I venture to guess that when Saint Paul was discussing weakness and how that when he was weak he was actually strong that he might have meant something like this. His weakness, be it physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental, provided the hole through which God could be allowed to come in and be Paul's strength. I see so many people who are hurt by abusive relationships, deaths in their family, failures both professional and personal and they all ask the same question: "Where is God?" I want to tell them same answer: God is there with you if just let down your wall and let him in.
So while new year's resolutions are to my house ready for the big move, to be a better husband, father, and chaplain, it is more than anything to let the God who loves me love. Perhaps if I lower my wall just enough God can sneak in and surprise me in the ways that only he knows how.
A Prayer for A New Year
Heavenly Father,
As a new year dawns I find myself further from whom I want to be.
I find myself further from you. Help me to lower my walls and defenses
and surrender my heart to your Son, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,
Who reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen
Happy New Year!
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